pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize