Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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