Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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