She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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