respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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