I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
So. Much. Porn.
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