I hate your face
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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