Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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