I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
