She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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