'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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