Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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