So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
