I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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