is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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