I didn't shave. On purpose
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
