look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
