There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
