It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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