Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
