Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
