i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
