There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
