omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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