the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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