I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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