the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
