I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
