Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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