I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
