You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
