my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
