On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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