His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
