Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
