KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
