I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
