drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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