You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
