I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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