Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Quick, to the slutcave!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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