He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
