Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
