I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
