dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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