Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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