Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
