I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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