Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
