My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
