waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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