you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
