I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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