I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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