like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize