trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
