I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
