I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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