This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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