I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
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We talked him into tasing himself.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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