the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
