i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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